Kidnapped!

help-clouds-joe

At last! it’s taken me a week to get this site up and running – a week of snuggling up on his lap and pretending to need a cuddle,  when all the time I’ve been secretly stealing his passwords and watching how he uses this contraption (who knew there were so many sites dedicated to naked wrestling!)

I had a little time this week, while he’s in the bath, and sometimes he goes out for a few hours and comes back all hot and sweaty – he’s probably out kidnapping other dogs, he never brings any back though, thank heavens! It’s not been easy starting a blog, owing to the fact that I’m a dog and keyboards are not very paw friendly….but here we go!

For over a year now I’ve been living with my mum up a mountain in a land called Clapham. Every morning we crawl down and drive to another mountain in a land called Pinewood where a beautiful young lady called Heidi lives with her goat – Nicole (mmmm! she smells goaty!) they share their home with the baroness from the ‘Sound of Music’ Baroness Temple, who had a goat called Ali that escaped around Christmas time. I liked my mountain family especially Heidi who is from a land called Austria which is almost Germany, and Nicole who, with her goaty scent and pretty looks, had every young, handsome, male goat lining up to offer her their cheesy nibbles.

Every day we’d descend the mountain to visit the village folk, the beautiful young maidens Jenna, Gaby, Bella and their two mothers Sally and Jenny, and a young long-legged village boy called Jess, who is posh Welsh. There was also  an Italian boy that chased me around the village, when he wasn’t talking to his dog on the dog & bone. There was a lot of laughter in that village despite the fact that it was ruled by an ogre that they had to feed every day to stop him eating them. In another part of the village lived a Beautiful Spanish lady called Manuela with her two husbands, Andrew and Geoff, and their kids Jonathan and Maja. They were such a gay family! and spent every day making me a new wardrobe.

Kidnapped

Then one day, out of the blue, the ogre bundled me into his car and drove for hours to a land called Norfolk, and here I am – HELP! on our second day here he took me for THREE walks! I got my own back by sniffing every blade of grass and doing two poos! so please rescue me before the ogre eats me – I can tell that’s his plan by the amount of dog food he brought with him – he’s going to fatten me up and eat my liver, served up with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

I miss my mummy and my old life – especially Fridays when all the villagers would gather round to eat a delicious local delicacy called ‘baked potato’ while I nibbled on a fish stick. I don’t, however miss the early mornings and the evening climb up Clapham mountain with only a couple of sprats as a reward. The ogre lives not up a mountain, and likes to sleep-in almost as much as I do.

That’s it for now, he’s getting out of the bath, and I’m exhausted after only twenty hours sleep today, and those interminable walks! I’ll keep you updated on my progress, and send some pics when I’ve learned how to use his phone – in the meantime you’ll have to make do with those amateur snaps he took – not bad I suppose for an ogre.

Sniff you later,

Grrrrrrrrrrr!

MONTY

 

monty-surf-joe

SURFING TO FREEDOM

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