……Not really, I’ve been brushing up on my Photoshop skills.
That’s Sally the sea-ogre, who I always thought would make a lovely wife for my ogre, but it would never work, because she needs a firm hand, and he has limp wrists.
I’ve been playing with this contraption while the ogre’s out and I’ve been reading his email. I went straight to the spam folder looking for a snack, there’s a zillion tasty emails in that folder that he’s never even read. I sent his bank details to a charming African prince who is offering a million dollar reward to anyone who can help him reclaim his inheritance – I asked for a million fish sticks instead. I replied to a lovely young Russian girl called Svetlana who wants to make him happy – we need someone to keep this place tidy, so I’ve booked her on a plane next week, I hope she’s good at back rubs.
I also found an email offering to sell him something called ‘Viagra’ I googled it and sent it straight to the trash – because as you all know, I have no problems in that department!
I then found an email inviting him to a lovely local woods to participate in something called “Dogging” For those of you who don’t know, and with the help of Google “Dogging” is an old British tradition where people like the ogre dress up as dogs and watch other ogres dressed up as dogs sniff each others butts. You’d never find me doing a thing like that, but it sounds like a laugh, so I ordered him a chihuahua costume and booked him in for next Saturday. I’m expecting a big fish stick reward for that surprise.
I’ve been reading a lot about a new American ogre named Trump…….but more about that next time. I’m off to the beach now to have fun with my bros.
Sniff you later