Monty Rap!


Meet The Monster

I’m back again to tell you that last weeks little ploy didn’t work, I’m still no nearer finding myself a posh bitch, so I’m trying a new tactic; I’ve decided the only way to attract a pedigree pooch is to woo her with a serenade.

I discovered something called “iTunes” on the ogres computer, and while I’ve been enjoying my boy Woofgang’s symphonies, and I had a lovely afternoon listening to “Fido and Aeneas” most of his toons are a load of emo w**k. So, looking for some inspiration, I opened an Apple Music account, and I’ve been discovering the world of Hip Hop and Rap, much misunderstood genres, accused by many of macho posturing, and disrespect to bitches and hos.

This may be true of many, but not my boy Kanye. For those of you who don’t know, Kanye is a modest rap/hip hop artiste of true sensitivity. He is multitalented with a beautiful bitch of a wife, and rumour has it, he may even enter the race to be the next “American Crufts” winner – best of luck with that homie.

I’ve put some lines together (no not that type of line – I can’t afford that yet) written a few verses, and sent a message to Kanye’s people via a friendly seagull I met on the beach.


My Seagull Bro

I’m hoping that he’ll let me pay homage to the lovely video he made with his bitch on a motorbike. I just have to find myself a ho who isn’t afraid to get her teats out……. and a motorbike.


Kanye’s Pinion Passenger


Video Concept Art

I’ve got my crew, my homies and my Posse all lined up, and ready to go as soon as Kanye gives me the green light, and supplies me with a tune.


My Crew


My Homies


My Posse

So, bearing in mind that this is a work in progress, here it is, monty’s rap:




Meet The Monster Mural

I think you’ll all agree that’s a sonnet worthy of Will.I.Am Shakespeare.

I’m hoping to get Gaga or Beyonce to do backing vocals, and I’ve started my publicity campaign by getting my boys to paint the walls of Sheringham beach. I may even start my tour at the pier here.

Until the next time……..


Straight Outta Clapham a.k.a. Monty Manor

Sniff you later




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